“Being heard and understood is one of the greatest desires of the human heart.” said Richard Carlson, the American author, psychotherapist, and motivational speaker who wrote the book Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.
Have you ever had a conversation in which you really hoped to be heard but felt like you were instead completely dismissed?
As humans we have a fundamental need for understanding and validation. Not being heard can feel like one is shouting thoughts and feelings into a vast canyon where they get swallowed up into the silence.
There is a blend of frustration and isolation, like one’s words are weightless, struggling to find a foothold in the world.
Every unacknowledged sentiment builds a wall, creating more distance between you and whoever is not hearing you. It feels like wearing invisible armour to protect your heart while at the same time wrestling with the desire to connect.
There is a longing to share your truth and have someone genuinely listen, but instead it feels like your voice is lost in the noise.
Experiences like these can evoke very heavy feelings of sadness and self-doubt, making you question your worth and the validity of your experiences. It can be quite maddening.
What I’ve learned over time, and often the hard way is if they aren’t really listening, they aren’t really your soul people. No matter who it is, acquaintance, co-worker, friend or family – they are not your soul people.
Your soul people support you. They help facilitate your growth, cheer you on and care deeply about how you feel. They listen to really hear you and ask how they can help. You have common ground, and a solid, deep connection. You feel held. Your soul people don’t dismiss you, keep you at a distance or leave you feeling ‘less than’.
And here’s what else I’ve learned: Your best source of strength and the one who will absolutely love you unconditionally….? That’s YOU.
Self-love is not selfish. It is critical for self-preservation and one’s ability to be resilient.
Genuine self-love comes from a place of deep compassion, understanding, appreciation, love, connection, and joy.
In the Positive Intelligence foundation of my coaching program, we spend a lot of time helping people develop the ability to look inward and draw on love, empathy and compassion for oneself. The result has proven itself time and time again with each client admitting to being kinder, gentler and more forgiving with themselves – making the world feel a little less harsh and far easier to manage.
Lessons Learned: Everyone will not always treat you the way you deserve to be treated. But self-love means that you won’t let them change the way you see yourself. Self-love means that even when you are not feeling heard or are feeling deeply hurt, you can turn inwards and know comfort awaits ❤️
