Remember when your mom would say, “Life isn’t fair”?
She wasn’t wrong. Life is full of challenges and its fair share of disappointments.
It took me longer than I care to admit to realize that many of my disappointments stemmed from my own expectations.
If I didn’t attach my hopes to a specific outcome or envision how things should turn out, I’d leave less room for disappointment. Yet, we often carry expectations—ideas about how life is “supposed to be.”
Why is that?
Maybe it’s the stories passed down from previous generations, shaping our beliefs about what’s “normal”, or how things should be.
Perhaps it’s the movies we’ve watched, where everything wraps up neatly in two hours.
Or maybe it’s historical narratives that convince us that certain outcomes are predictable.
Here’s the truth:
None of those ideas account for the complexity of real life. Nothing is static; everything is dynamic.
The world isn’t the same as it was for previous generations. Movies are scripted fantasies. And modern life, especially post-internet, has rewritten the rules entirely.
To avoid disappointment, I’ve learned to let go of expectations. Instead, I approach life as a fascinated anthropologist (credit to Shirzad Chamine for this term).
Anthropologists observe without judgment.
Nothing is “good” or “bad.” It just is. The focus shifts to curiosity: What can I learn from this?
This mindset has been my compass through a few seasons of healing.
After facing profound disappointments and loss, I realized healing requires time, patience, and perspective. By replacing expectation with curiosity, I am better equipped to sidestep the traps that test my resilience.
So now, when life doesn’t go as planned, I remind myself: observe, learn, and let it be.
Five Practical steps to fight life’s disappointments:
Mindfulness: Focus on the present moment rather than dwelling on how things “should” unfold! Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or grounding exercises to stay centered and accept things as they are will be your best friend here.
Embrace Curiosity: Approach situations with an open mind, like a scientist or anthropologist, and observe what happens without judgment! Ask yourself, what can I learn from this? Rather than focusing on a particular outcome.
Set Intentions, Not Expectations: Instead of expecting a specific set of results, set flexible intentions! For example, set out with an aim to enjoy an upcoming experience rather than achieving a particular outcome coming out of it. This allows for fulfillment regardless of how things turn out.
Release Control: Acknowledge that you can’t control everything, including other people’s actions or external circumstances! Focus on what you can control—your mindset, actions, and reactions.
Reframe Disappointment as Growth: When things don’t go as expected, view it as an opportunity to grow or gain a new perspective! Reflect on what the experience taught you instead of fixating on any unmet expectations.
